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Author Topic: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)  (Read 306966 times)

Offline -<WillyP>-

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #375 on: September 02, 2011, 10:51:56 AM »
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon .... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? "

"Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree. Ees . . .


Ees . . .


Ees . . .


Ees . . .


Ees a ham bush...."

SO SORRY I know there is something wrong with me for sending you this. Just couldn't help it! The little voices made me do it !!!

And I bet you tried to do the accent didn't you - I know you did! 
Smart people look like crazy people to stupid people.

Offline TechPro

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #376 on: September 02, 2011, 11:07:31 AM »
 :D Funny, yet hurts at the same time.

Offline Kaiaatzl

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #377 on: September 02, 2011, 05:22:49 PM »
You made me think of this:
http://www.explosm.net/comics/2229/

Offline TechPro

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #378 on: September 13, 2011, 12:45:56 PM »
A man pulls up to a curb and asks a policeman standing there, "Can I park here?"

"No," says the cop.

"What about all these other cars?"

"They didn't ask."

Offline Matthew

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #379 on: September 13, 2011, 11:40:24 PM »
No get.

Offline blessu

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #380 on: September 14, 2011, 05:39:27 AM »
Thats almost as bad as...doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains...doctor says, well, get a grip and pull yourself together then or how to make a venetian blind...poke them in the eye, ;D arf arf
'Blessu'

Offline Wraith-1

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #381 on: September 14, 2011, 08:24:21 AM »
Not a joke, but it's kind of funny, I booted up the old Pentium II, clicked on Descent, and then looked down at the clock, it said 10:32 AM...

...must be time for descent...

Offline Matthew

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #382 on: September 14, 2011, 08:25:51 AM »
I laughed more at that than at TechPro's joke :P

Offline VANGUARD

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #383 on: September 14, 2011, 08:40:23 AM »
10:32, 1032, took a second or two.

I had one typed out, but my boss was ready to help me on something. then I lost what I was writing. It was only a few words.

Anyway,

Doctor is running around. working up a sweat. Something must have been bugging him, because he was all restless.
Finally, he was done with a patient, and had to breath for a moment. He then said,

"I need patience!"
then a nurse said,
"Oh good! We have a couple patients right here for you."

kind of funny, kind of dumb.

Offline NUMBERZero

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #384 on: September 14, 2011, 11:31:35 AM »
I understood TP's joke and loved it.

I always recognize 1032 and think about Descent every time.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2011, 03:02:44 PM by Omega »
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Offline VANGUARD

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #385 on: September 14, 2011, 11:57:38 AM »
there use to be a time that always reminded me of something.

I understand TP's joke

Offline Scyphi

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #386 on: September 15, 2011, 08:55:40 AM »
Techpro's joke got me to smile. :)

It took Vanguard's explanation before I got Wraith's. :P
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Offline -<WillyP>-

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping
« Reply #387 on: September 24, 2011, 05:53:37 AM »
The  Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.

After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemosabe,  look towards sky;  what you see?". The  Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of  stars."

 "What  that tell you?" asked Tonto.

 The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then  says, "Astronomically  speaking, it tells me there are millions of Galaxies.Time wise, it appears to be  a quarter-past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?"
 
"That you dumber than buffalo dung. Someone stole tent."
Smart people look like crazy people to stupid people.

Offline Matthew

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #388 on: September 24, 2011, 07:08:10 AM »
Better as Watson and Holmes, tbh. But still funny.  :D

Offline VANGUARD

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #389 on: September 24, 2011, 07:34:33 AM »
Better as Watson and Holmes, tbh. But still funny.  :D

ditto.

a test to see how aware your partner is :)

 

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