Topic: S.O.S. - girl may be desperate, how do I get rid of her?

[VANGUARD]

You may laugh when I tell you the problem. However, I hate to hurt anyone, and I hate blocking their number and email.

Here's the scoop. I have been talking with a girl since September. Some things I don't think are considered desperate, but other things, I do. We never met, and she's eight hours away.
She says when we meet, it'd be nice and casual, nothing strong and intimate. Oddly, she has told me at times, she feels turned on when we talk, and have thought of 'making love' to me.

I know, it's simple. Tell her you're not interested. Done that. Told her I don't see it working out. Told her that she's too far (she contacted me by the way, I never would have).
Give her a nice long email, tried to be nice and tactful, and nothing. She had said bye to me before after some "discussion". Few hours later, I get a text saying "hello."

I told her, I wasn't interested in her anymore, told her it's mostly distance and finances. What happens later that evening? "hello."

I hate to be mean. I still like to think I'm a gentleman, and blocking her sounds harsh, like I'm cutting off her oxygen.
I don't know what to do. I tried a few times to say it's over, this won't work out, whatever. and she is still saying "hello" and talking like nothing happened.

I want to end it nice. She isn't horrible, that I know of. But I have lost so much interest in wanting to try anything with her.

If you have ideas, feel free to say so.
If worst comes to worst, I guess I will have to just block her.

Thanks all

[-<WillyP>-]

Why are you even responding to her?

[VANGUARD]

"ONLY" because I feel bad ignoring someone. But yeah, lol.

Sounds like everyone I know, including myself, says to ignore. I suppose the only thing is, what if 'I' think she's desperate and she isn't?
But yeah, we said bye, and she keeps coming back.

May the blocking begin. I suppose I have every right, and I am not being mean. Already said it was over.

Thanks, told you this was silly.

[Scyphi]

Because like he said, Vanguard's a good guy, and he's afraid of coming across as mean. And I don't blame him, if I were in the same position, I'd be reluctant to do the same.

[VANGUARD]

Thanks. Im sure willyp is also, just may see it has no issue, being I've told her no before.
sad in a way, but I am not going to have someone annoying me to this level.

I figured the only other way is to discourage her somehow. Make her leave, but she txted after saying bye.

Itnoring is the only answer.

[Matthew]

I thought girls weren't supposed to like nice guys...

[VANGUARD]

Desperate ones go for anything I guess

[Pumo]

Well, it's indeed a sensitive situation, but I would simply ignore her without saying or making anything specifically mean (taking in account you don't want to block her).

Just don't respond to her. It's pretty normal nowadays to be connected on chat and not saying anything, sometimes because it's because you didn't see the message, or because you was busy, or because you left your computer on and go away, so it would be seem as a natural thing.

If you don't want to make it all of a sudden, start to ignore her gradually.
Sometimes you answer, sometimes you don't, and then at the end you stop responding to her.

Just my 5 cents.

[VANGUARD]

She hasn't emailed me at all. Quite surprised actually, as she said she would. Maybe she got the hint with me blocking her txt. Probably txted, no reply. Maybe its over.

[Kaiaatzl]

I'd be more worried about her for her sake.  I'm no expert in psychology -- though I wouldn't have gotten this far towards a psych degree without learning a thing or two -- but it sounds as if she may be depressed or have some other kind of mood disorder.
I wouldn't go so far to say she would be a danger to herself based on only what I've heard from you but...  it's just something I think someone here should have picked up on by now -- only as a possibility, of course, but in todays world such possibilities can turn out to be frighteningly real.

Even if she is only desperate, you could urge her to get some sort of psychological counselling, and move to therapy/medication if the professional opinion is that she needs it.  It would help her, it would help to find out if she has some sort of problem beyond desperation, and if she does it would help to fix that problem.  Either way, it would probably get her off your back once she's worked through a few sessions and started to either get help, or at least learning how to improve her dating skills so she can date in real life instead of online.  And yes I'm certain there are psychologists who would specialize in that; more professionally than newspaper advice columnists.

[-<WillyP>-]

Please, let's not blow this out of proportion. If you've told her no firmly, and she doesn't accept that, ignore her and she'll get the hint.

It's not being mean. Letting it drag out, her thinking you might be interested, that would be much worse. Be clear, firm, and say what you mean, mean what you say.

You can't analyze her motives, or her mental state of being, don't even try. If you are not interested in any type of relationship she is willing to consider, the kindest thing to do is to just cut it off.

[VANGUARD]

I understand both comments, and to a certain degree, agree to both.
However, I tend to side with WillyP.

I am not responsible for her, and showing any form of interest for her sake would do more damage.
Just think of Karen and I. She lost interest in me after one month. She claimed it was okay being friends, but that dragged on for almost one full year, and I was in so much pain. I even asked for your advice in here.
I told her I was depressed. She suggested that if I felt depressed or suicidal, she would just call the cops for me.
HUGE mistake. A, not that depressed. B, doesn't that go on your record? "i see you tried to kill yourself." "no, just depressed that someone I loved left me, and she decided to call the cops."

I said bye, in a nice way, best I could.

Everyone I know is saying ignore her. If and when she emails me, I will have to delete it without viewing it.

[Alieo]

I've had this happen to me more than once. I've honestly been on both sides of this situation. It's like PAC-MAN; one minute you're pac-man, and you're getting chased by the ghosts, then the next, you swallow an unusually large dot and you're doing the one chasing the ghosts.

When I'm in Vanguard's shoes in this situation, I terminate all contact, because when I feel like I lose my freedom, I get annoyed, and when I get annoyed, I do anything to get my freedom back. I'd block all calls and texts and have no further problems with the situation.

When I'm in this girl's side of the situation, and I haven't been like this recently, but was like that way back in the day when I was a teenager. (I swear, if I could only go back in time and smack myself!) I'm good at taking a hint, and though it's heartbreaking at first, I get over it eventually. Life moves on.

Seems like you have it under control now, but I would like to add, it's only a matter of time before you get fed up and you throw your personal grievances about the situation out the window if you want your freedom and sanity back. Also, going through having an obsessed girl REALLY sheds new found appreciation on being single! 

[VANGUARD]

I basically know the answer. I guess I ask because maybe, just maybe, I think differently, right or wrong, than others.

Talked with her for a month or so before she says she really wants to meet, and she feels right about this. She wants this to work. She has this spinal thing, where she needs leg braces.
We never met, and she's eight hours away.
Sign of desperation?

I don't like being single. And I don't think I like the idea of someone who is desperate, only with me because I'm nice enough and not turned off by her limitations.

I did block her for two days, but figured there has to be another way.
Probably not though.
dang.

I'm afraid that even one email a week, she'll be around, wanting to meet, wanting to talk.