Topic: The *Junkies Look for Love

[D2Disciple]

Once upon a time, in a far away galaxy known by the stereotypically fictive name of Zorkon....

[So, explain to me again exactly why we've lost touch with what's important in life? -Meat&Potatoes]

[You mean wanton destruction of innocent woodland creatures? -SniperJunkie]

[Oh, please. Last time you went hunting, that chipmunk you couldn't catch ran you right into a family of beavers. I'll never forget seeing your body used as a door for the dam. -HopelessCynic]

[Believe you me, those are most certainly not innocent creatures. -SniperJunkie]

[Incredibly unstable, yet helplessly inadequate to carry out your destructive tendencies - that's what I like about you, SniperJunkie. -Meat&Potatoes]

[But what exactly are you suggesting we do, here? -HopelessCynic]

[Well, I got to thinking... -Meat&Potatoes]

[Don't hurt yourself. -SniperJunkie]

[...That maybe we should go on a date. I've already got a girl and a reservation at a nice restaurant for tonight. Who's in? -Meat&Potatoes]

[I don't know. Does she have a good life insurance policy? -SniperJunkie]

[Is she as unattractive, painfully uncool, and as blatently argumentative as we are? -HopelessCynic]

[Her internet profile stated that she loves men "with personality." -Meat&Potatoes]

[I'll interpret that to mean she enjoys being with individuals that are constantly in a state of interpersonal flux among cynicism, violence, stoicism, technical skill, and a complete lack of attention span, sure. -HopelessCynic]

[I want to dye my skin mauve! -@Random]

[Oddly, that seems like a fitting action right now. -HopelessCynic]

[Well, lets stop clowning around and get ready for this! -Meat&Potatoes]

[Clowns scare me. -SniperJunkie]

[It's time for Bozo's Super Sunday Show! -@Random]

[YOU FIEND! -SniperJunkie]

[In retrospect, I probably should have told her to lay off the makeup some. -Meat&Potatoes]

[Just how bad could it be? -HopelessCynic]

[Her eyeshadow is as blue as the hamburger steak we left in the fridge since last Thanksgiving. -Meat&Potatoes]

[Pleasant. -HopelessCynic]

To be continued...

[SaladBadger]

[KillerInsanity: Wait, you're telling me a Sniper couldn't shoot down a chipmunk?]

[InsanityBrains: Well, they are really small, and fast...]

[KillerInsanity: A in-his-favor response like that is something I'd expect from NiceInsanity. He seems to support anyone]

[InsanityBrains: Well, not when they are trying to hunt woodland creatures...]

[KillerInsanity: But that's something I'd expect from EnviroInsanity]

[InsanityBrains: This is just going to go on and on is it?]

[KillerInsanity: And I'd expect that... *goes boom*... Argh, who put that barrel next to me?]

[DoomInsanity: /me pumps his shotgun and sneaks away...]

[Scyphi]

[Whoa, holy forum change, Batman.--StupidScyphi]

[Getting back on topic...--AlmightyScyphi]

[You mean my ongoing narrative as to why coconuts make for good cannonballs?--RandomScyphi]

[No, no, I mean...--AlmightyScyphi]

[Coconut cannonballs? Is that even possible?--EvilScyphi]

[Of course it is.--RandomScyphi]

[Sign me up for a hundred to be delivered to my door, then. --EvilScyphi]

[Guys, guys, we really need to...--AlmightyScyphi]

[That'll be a 150 bucks.--RandomScyphi]

[You mean they're only a buck fifty apiece? Sign me up for two hundred then.--EvilScyphi]

[Guys, back to the topic now...please...?--AlmightyScyphi]

[You should also check out my latest gizmo.--RandomScyphi]

*throws off the covering veil*

[Ooo....ahhh!--All Scyphis]

[Ta da! It's a cellphone-PDA-MP3 player-camera-frenchfry maker shaped like a coconut! I call it...the Coconutberry!--RandomScyphi]

[I give up.--AlmightyScyphi]

[Bite-size coconuts anybody?--RandomScyphi]

[SaladBadger]

[LogicInsanity: If he's AlmightyScyphi couldn't he just silence them all?]

[InsanityBrains: You fool!, you never know when he might silence you, or the rest of us!]

[DoomInsanity: Green:Hah! I can't be silenced! I normally can only make noises by grunting, but I can also type stuff using the 'T' button!]

[BrainlessInsanity:wats bein slienzd evn meen? /me goes boom]

[DoomInsanity: Green:These barrels are useful... /me pumps shotgun]

[KillerInsanity: can you guys even do anything without someone dying?]

[NiceInsanity:He's right. You guys are way too violent. I'm going do helpful deeds for the world /me walks off]

[KillerInsanity: That's totally him...]

[D2Disciple]

Later that evening, at Bubba's House of Pork & Beans....

[I thought you said that we had a reservation at a nice restaurant? I feel like I just stepped into "Deliverance." -HopelessCynic]

[It is nice. I mean, what's nicer than an old run-down, on-the-side-of-the-highway barbecue diner that can cook a mean pork chop? -Meat&Potatoes]

[An old run-down, on-the-side-of-the-highway diner than can cook a mean soufflé? -HopelessCynic]

[Did someone really shoot a rabbit with antlers and hang it on the wall? That is so cool! -SniperJunkie]

[But what we really need is to appoint one personality to take over so we look normal. -Meat&Potatoes]

[I'll do it! -@Random]

[Wait - did he just make a logical response? -HopelessCynic]

[Actually, that's a good idea. -Meat&Potatoes]

[Please tell me your joking. Please. Pretty please. -SniperJunkie]

[No, you see - I'm too controlling to make a good impression, Sniper has... something of an oppressive spirit troubling his soul, Cynic is too depressive, and ModMan uses too much gobbledygook. @Random is the only one who has a chance of stumbling upon a subject she actually enjoys talking about. Once she gets interested, we'll have to take @Random out of the picture and continue from there. -Meat&Potatoes.]

[I never get to be the mainboard main man in these situations. Oh, and I speak jargon, not gobbledygook. Big difference. -ModMan]

[Quick! Silence! Here she comes! @Random, work your magic! -Meat&Potatoes]

[Oh! Hi! You must be Deidrich Juh'n Kee. It's a pleasure to meet you! -Girl]

[Yes ma'am it is. And it is my pleasure to meet you as well. What's your name, again? -@Random]

[It's Vanessa. -Vanessa]

[Oh yes, Vanessa. I sincerely apologize - I'm terrible with names. I'm sorry to bring you to such an old restaurant - I must have had another restaurant in consideration, but came here instead. Nonetheless, they do have good food here. The owner is a personal friend, and he's a fantastic chef. But pardon me. What do you do for a living, Vanessa? -@Random]

Meanwhile, silently...

[Is he.... holding an intelligent conversation? -HopelessCynic]

[It's going to be a fantastic success! -Meat&Potatoes]

[I smell a conspiracy. -HopelessCynic]

[Does it smell like bacon? If so, I think I do too. -SniperJunkie]

Back to the conversation...

[Oh, Deidrich, this is no problem. Location is not a big issue with me. As for what I do? I'm into fashion design down in the North Bridge area of the city. It's a nice place with nice people, but not too ritzy for the outsiders to enjoy coming and spending time there. -Vanessa]

[Oh, cool, what have you got in the Northbridge socket?? -ModMan]

[Is that what people call these parts now? How funny. We've got just some small shops and a quant little city square. We have a nice coffee shop there that tends to be a popular venue for local musicians. -Vanessa]

[You're crampin' my style, now, Mod... -@Random]

[...What? -Vanessa]

[I apologize. I tend to talk to myself a bit... I get nervous around incredibly hot women like you. -ModMan]

[Stick to the plan, moron! -Meat&Potatoes]

[... What is going on? Are you insulting me?? -Vanessa]

[No, it's not that... But I must confess I suffer from multiple pers-- -@Random]

SHOTS RING OUT...

[Deidrich? DEIDRICH! -Vanessa]

Bubba walks out of the kitchen with a shotgun...

[I'm sorry, that guy was insane. Multiple personailities. Manic-depressive tendencies. Paranoia-schizophrenia. Saw it all the time when I was a clinical psychiatrist. Not worth breathing my precious oxygen, I tell you. -Bubba]

[You're a psychiatrist? -Vanessa]

[Ha. No. But I can cook a mean pork chop. -Bubba]

[Oh, Bubba! You're the best! -Vanessa]

THE END

[SaladBadger]

[InsanityBrains: Remind me to never stop at Bubba's. My brains are too good to be dead]

[KillerInsanity: Why? I could probably take him out if I needed. /me arms a plasma cannon >:)]

A black figure runs behind KillerInsanity... Soon enough it comes by again in the oppisite direction, but much closer

[InsanityThief: Stole Plasma Cannon! /me runs away]

[KillerInsanity: Argh, InsanityThief, my mortal enemy...]

[InsanityBrains: How many of those do you even have?]