Topic: Time to move on.....again

[VANGUARD]

Sometimes I question myself, why am I writing this? Will this somehow be locked like the other 'harmless' topic I had? Is there even a point to bringing this up?
I suppose I'll say a few things.

Back in Sept of '09, my father passed away. Before he did, he was working on our old house; and some over at my sisters house. We are reminded of his work from time to time; and obviously, him.
Instead of a story; let's just say, we're moving. And quickly actually. My mom and I are moving out in August; my sister will be in a month or two.

I've resided in my home town for over 20 years, and I'm 29; and now, I am moving. The nice part is, it's not far. A 10-15 minute drive, and I am back in that area. So yeah, not far; but still, not my home town anymore.

But this will be a clean start. I will never forget my father. I still regret some days when I didn't help. I figured a computer game or movie was more important.
Can't go back though.

Also; I may be taking a break from this for a short while. Maybe just a week or two. Hard to say. The moving date is coming up and I need time away from things. I am still with someone, but our talk last night hurt badly. No point in getting into that. I am sure we will still do stuff together.
I just need to concentrate on other things.


It's just time for a clean slate/start. Sort of like the new Soupe Du Jour; take a vacation. relax. be at peace.

I'm not sure when I'll stop posting here; may even be a week before I stop. And maybe I won't find a need. who knows. I mostly wanted to say what is new with me; and that girl.

Take care,

Vanguard

[TechPro]

Whatever happens, I wish you Good fortune, and Good times.

This is one of those moments when a particular phrase (often considered corny by some) fits well and contains the meaning I'd like to express...  Live long, and prosper. 

[Bettina]

Vanguard, you may not like me after this but here goes.

First, disregard anyone that doesn't like what you post. As long as you don't break forum rules that require a mod to correct you then you are free to post without being squeezed by some member that doesn't like what you have to say.

Second, if you really want to start a new slate then say goodbye to the girlfriend you're with. Personally, from the past posts you've made, I feel she's dragging you down both mentally and physically. This is not a healthy thing for someone your age and I believe you're a really nice guy that deserves much much better. Dump her no matter how much it hurts. Don't be friends with her either or the pain will continue.

Third, look hard at your friends and get rid of the one's that seem to be steering you in the wrong direction most of the time. That also goes for online forums that you've had bad experiences with. You may lose some friends you've chatted with but you will make new ones.

Fourth, get involved with community work by volunteering a little of your time after work. Check with your parish priest and local hospital who are always in need of help. If you want to meet girls, there are a lot of nurses you will be saying hi too. With a little luck, one may say hi back.

As for personal experience... I never look back. A few years ago I stopped a career, dumped my abusive boyfriend at the time (yes it hurt), and chose a nursing college, all within fifteen minutes while standing on an altar. It was the best decision I ever made.

Please forgive me for being blunt about your girlfriend.

Bettina

[DarkWing]

Ah Bee, that's too much work.

Vanguard, just relax and meet the people where you're going to be at and make all new friends (both guys and gals).  You'd be surprised the fun waiting for you, and if any of the old friends come around and are still friends even with your new friends around, then they are true friends.

[Pumo]

Yeah, although Bee's advise is not bad at all, I'm with DarkWing.
You just need to think clear, simple and relaxed and take things lightly without stress, and always ready to make all new friends.

However, I think bettina hit the nail with this one, and I agree with her 200% regarding this point:

...Second, if you really want to start a new slate then say goodbye to the girlfriend you're with. Personally, from the past posts you've made, I feel she's dragging you down both mentally and physically. This is not a healthy thing for someone your age and I believe you're a really nice guy that deserves much much better. Dump her no matter how much it hurts. Don't be friends with her either or the pain will continue.

so yeap Vanguard, I must admit I didn't got the courage to say that to you before, but now that Bee's is saying it, I think she's totally right and I'm confident to show you that I think the same.
Maybe it sounds a bit harsh, but also to my eyes your relationship with this girl didn't sounded healthy at all.  

Anyway, I wish you the best with your moving and with this new chapter on your life.
You're a nice guy, so I'm pretty sure you're going to find a lot of friends very quickly.

[Alieo]

Hey man, you've always given be good advice on here when I needed it and just know I got your back too. If there's ever anything you need to talk about, you know who your true friends are. Just PM one of us. We'll listen. Good luck with new beginnings, and yes, move forward, but it is important to never forget. That's how we learn from our mistakes. Don't dwell, but never forget.

[-<WillyP>-]

Yea, hang loose, buddy, don't let life get to you.

[VANGUARD]

thank you all for your input. For the most part; things are better than before. Back a few months, I thought I wasn't going to make it. I have been feeling great, and for the most part, see some great benefits in moving.

I will be selling more of my dads tools. Sad in a way; I won't have much more of my fathers stuff anymore. I'm guessing the speakers and the tools he bought me for my birthday is about it now.

A lot has been resolved with this girl I've been with. Things that had bugged me for months was finally taken care.
I know a lot have given me such advice; I appreciate each one. For those who say I should stick with her, because she's great, or to say goodbye because of the pain.
I won't get into certain topics and risk another topic being closed.
But, do you ever get this urge, this determination that you just can't swallow? You will seek it out no matter what? I've dated before. I have loved (or think I have anyway) some girls. I've had some relationships. This girl is very unique. I have the urge. I had the urge to get online and find someone; which is NOT what I wanted to do AT ALL. But I had that urge. And after meeting her, I just knew from the start, there's something there. This isn't the typical one month with a girl then that's it.
It's been slightly over 5 months and we're still together.
I know it sucks to be in pain. We're not promised to never be in pain. And sometimes you have to go through hard times.
And besides, it was me that caused a lot of the problems. She didn't egg me on, or tease me. She didn't go and make out and then stop, and then do it again, and then stop; then ask for other adult stuff.
She remained the same; a close friend. A friend that cares, a friend that was sad when she thought it was over between us. a friend that wants me happy.
I don't get that too often. not a girl anyway.
It's a desire. It's the urge to keep going. You see something you know you want, and by golly, you keep fighting.
But Wednesday, I think I can honestly say the fight is over. Something kept bugging me. I knew she wasn't being 100% honest. I knew it. And I found out on Wednesday. She didn't want to say it, but she did.
And I tell you, I feel wonderful. Not the answer per say, that I wanted to hear; but now I know.
And I do feel great.
she gives me peace; happiness, joy. She's a wonderful girl. and like I said, I caused most of the problems. Why punish her and say it's her fault.
I am sorry if I don't tell you the full story about her; and hey, you never met her. So I understand why some would say, leave her. I probably would do the same, and probably would do just that if it kept up any longer.
But; I believe God wants us together. Friends or more. And I must have faith in God. But you never know, maybe I've learned something and it'd be over in a month. I solved something HUGE, that was causing 99% of the issue. And it's done. and I'm HAPPY. and now, if more problems come about, new ones. then I do believe it's a good sign to say farewell to her.

Boy, am I talking too much.
thanks for all of the advice, everything that you guys have done.
Overall, things are great. And I know this move will be good as well.
A clean start. May solve some things with that other friend of mine. and I will no longer be talking with the penpal from WI.
She has her own life. I have mine. All is well.
thanks again

[Scyphi]

Agreed with all that has been said...except Bettina's second notation there, I think you should stick with the girl for awhile longer Vanguard, partly because you are inclined to, and the fact that it seems to me that the girl likes you back, but is perhaps not yet ready for something more. Yes, it's been five months, but so what? Sometimes relationships take awhile to piece together. So I say patience, I agree when you say you've got something going with her, Vanguard, and you just need to stick with that, and wait for it to pan out.

That said, I will say that if things go on for a year or more, and nothing's changed, THEN it'd be time to start thinking about moving on, if not even a little sooner than that. So in a way, I'm not entirely disagreeing with Bettina, I just think it's not time for such action.

Beyond that, hang loose and relax, and do what you feel you need to do to achieve that.

Anyway, my two-bits.

[VANGUARD]

thank you. she does like to take things slower than most people. which can be good. if she was causing problems, I may stop seeing her. if she teased me, I'd stop seeing her. but she really likes me, and values our friendship.
And I believe this move in about a week (not 100% confirmed yet; have to approve for it, but we make enough per month), will do a lot of good. maybe my one friend won't be such a pain all the time. and my girl friend and I will take the time to meet; and make the meetings/dates more valuable.
What will be hard is leaving a city I've been in for so many years. but like I said, it's not like it's 3 hours away. but being in one place for a few decades almost and leaving it, will almost make it feel like another state. well, ok, maybe not too much, lol. still have my job.

anyways, thanks everyone.

Most of my topic was talking about the move, some of my father. I am fine. thanks for caring all. I know things will be good. and in a week or so, you may not hear from me much; being I'll be busy, but there's always working hours.

[VANGUARD]

with being busy on moving, and trying to sort out lots of stuff; I may be taking my break within a day or two. nothing personal; I've been starting to take a break from other things; computer or ps3, or whatever else. I didn't play my Call of Duty zombie map AT ALL this weekend. not online nor offline.   that's unheard of.

If I do come back tonight or tomorrow, that'd be about it until I'm assuming a week or two. I'll be plenty busy with things.
So, take care for now.