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Author Topic: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)  (Read 302928 times)

Offline TechPro

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #480 on: July 17, 2012, 03:24:28 PM »
What do you call an alligator with a vest on?







An Investigator !!!
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Offline TechPro

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #481 on: July 18, 2012, 03:41:06 PM »
Emergency Shut Off Switch... (from the "There I Fixed It" web site)
Click Here
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Offline Scyphi

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #482 on: July 19, 2012, 09:15:21 AM »
The real switch probably isn't scheduled to be installed until next Tuesday. :P
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"I thought I had a great idea, but it never really took off. In fact, it didn't even get on the runway. I guess you could say it exploded in the hanger." -Calvin and Hobbes
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Offline -<WillyP>-

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« Reply #483 on: July 20, 2012, 04:37:18 PM »
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Smart people look like crazy people to stupid people.

Offline -<WillyP>-

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #484 on: July 26, 2012, 05:10:27 AM »
Hey everyone....I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.
 A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Brown Hill Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.
Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
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Smart people look like crazy people to stupid people.

Offline Foil

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #485 on: July 26, 2012, 06:31:41 AM »
 :D Should've seen that one coming.  Good one! ;D
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Offline TechPro

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #486 on: August 07, 2012, 08:55:45 PM »
If a Priest blesses an Avocado...

Would it be Holy Guacamole?
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Offline Scyphi

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #487 on: August 08, 2012, 06:49:30 AM »
Would making the avocado into guacamole void the blessing?
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"I thought I had a great idea, but it never really took off. In fact, it didn't even get on the runway. I guess you could say it exploded in the hanger." -Calvin and Hobbes
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Offline -<WillyP>-

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #488 on: August 20, 2012, 04:50:46 AM »
A DEA agent stopped at our farm yesterday " I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs " I said "Okay, but I don't go in that field over there...."

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching in his rear pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. "See this freakin badge?, This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.....On any land,!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?...do you understand?.... I nodded politely and apologized, and went about my chores.

 A short time later, I hear loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull....With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he would get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs... "Your badge, show him your freakin badge!!"
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Offline Foil

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #489 on: August 20, 2012, 12:34:29 PM »
Hehe, I thought it was going to be a field full of poison-ivy... 
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Offline Wraith-1

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #490 on: August 21, 2012, 01:28:52 AM »
He is, the most interesting pilot in the Sol System:
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Offline Scyphi

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #491 on: August 21, 2012, 06:48:32 AM »
Especially when you consider the poor CGI. :P
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"I thought I had a great idea, but it never really took off. In fact, it didn't even get on the runway. I guess you could say it exploded in the hanger." -Calvin and Hobbes
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Offline CrazyEnzo03

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #492 on: August 21, 2012, 08:55:09 AM »
Quote from: Alieo on July 17, 2012, 02:18:55 PM
A bear and a rabbit were shitting in the woods.
The bear asked the rabbit, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
"No," answered the rabbit.
Then the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped its butt with the rabbit.
That one's not.. "clean"..

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Some people are like Slinkies. They aren't really good or even useful for anything but they always manage to put a little smile on your face when you give them enough of a push down the stairs.

Offline Matthew

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #493 on: August 21, 2012, 09:26:37 AM »
It has one swear word, I'm sure you'll live.

Nevermind, I see what you did thar...
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Offline VANGUARD

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Re: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)
« Reply #494 on: August 21, 2012, 09:27:23 AM »
It got clean at the end.  ;D
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