Topic: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)

[-<WillyP>-]

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon .... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? "

"Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree. Ees . . .


Ees . . .


Ees . . .


Ees . . .


Ees a ham bush...."

SO SORRY I know there is something wrong with me for sending you this. Just couldn't help it! The little voices made me do it !!!

And I bet you tried to do the accent didn't you - I know you did! 

[TechPro]

  Funny, yet hurts at the same time.

[Kaiaatzl]

You made me think of this:
http://www.explosm.net/comics/2229/

[TechPro]

A man pulls up to a curb and asks a policeman standing there, "Can I park here?"

"No," says the cop.

"What about all these other cars?"

"They didn't ask."

[Matthew]

No get.

[blessu]

Thats almost as bad as...doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains...doctor says, well, get a grip and pull yourself together then or how to make a venetian blind...poke them in the eye, arf arf

[Wraith-1]

Not a joke, but it's kind of funny, I booted up the old Pentium II, clicked on Descent, and then looked down at the clock, it said 10:32 AM...

...must be time for descent...

[Matthew]

I laughed more at that than at TechPro's joke

[VANGUARD]

10:32, 1032, took a second or two.

I had one typed out, but my boss was ready to help me on something. then I lost what I was writing. It was only a few words.

Anyway,

Doctor is running around. working up a sweat. Something must have been bugging him, because he was all restless.
Finally, he was done with a patient, and had to breath for a moment. He then said,

"I need patience!"
then a nurse said,
"Oh good! We have a couple patients right here for you."

kind of funny, kind of dumb.

[NUMBERZero]

I understood TP's joke and loved it.

I always recognize 1032 and think about Descent every time.

[VANGUARD]

there use to be a time that always reminded me of something.

I understand TP's joke

[Scyphi]

Techpro's joke got me to smile.

It took Vanguard's explanation before I got Wraith's.

[-<WillyP>-]

The  Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.

After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemosabe,  look towards sky;  what you see?". The  Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of  stars."

 "What  that tell you?" asked Tonto.

 The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then  says, "Astronomically  speaking, it tells me there are millions of Galaxies.Time wise, it appears to be  a quarter-past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?"
 
"That you dumber than buffalo dung. Someone stole tent."

[Matthew]

Better as Watson and Holmes, tbh. But still funny. 

[VANGUARD]

Better as Watson and Holmes, tbh. But still funny. 

ditto.

a test to see how aware your partner is