Topic: The *Junkies Hear Banjo Music

[D2Disciple]

[SniperJunkie - Hey guys! It's finally finished! My newest invention that will make us zillions! ::Lights up a fine Cuban import with a freshly-lit Benjamin::]

[All other *Junkies - Ooooh! Aaaaaah!]

[Meat&Potatoes - It's beautiful!]

[HopelessCynic - It's glorious!]

[ModMan - It's revolutionary!]

[Meat&Potatoes - ...... What the crap is it?]

[@Random - Is it animal, vegetable, or venereal?]

[SniperJunkie - It is, by far, the most important technological innovation in intergalactic navigation in the past two millenia, bar none. I give you, the Banjometer™!]

[Meat&Potatoes - At least it's still beautiful, I guess...]

[SniperJunkie - Hear me out. It is the culmination of my life's work. See? You turn it on, and it can detect banjo music up to eight million lightyears away. Eight. Million. Lightyears. We could find an epic hoedown all the way in the Boötes I galaxy!]

[HopelessCynic - .... A Boötes hoedown? Sounds unsafe.]

[Meat&Potatoes - Why banjo music? Why not classical? Or rock and roll? You know, I've always had you pegged as a heavy metal kind of guy.]

[ModMan - And don't act like I didn't notice the sudden bandwidth usage when you illegally downloaded the new Social Injustice Collective: Death to Polar Bears album in lossless *.WAV.]

[SniperJunkie - ... Maybe I just really, really like banjo music.]

[HopelessCynic - Yeeeeeeah..... Nope. Not buyin'. What new insane plan have you concocted now to get us all in deep trouble?]

[@Random - As long as I'm promised a Froyo when this is all over, I'm in.]

[SniperJunkie - Okay, fine, ya got me. You see, when I was ten years old, a man shot my mother. Dead. Shot her dead, just like that. The only thing that poor, terrified, ten-year-old me, shivering in my camouflaged jammies, heard from the closet I was hiding in was the quiet, creepy, out-of-tune plucking of a banjo. And then, when I looked, he was gone. Vanished.]

[Meat&Potatoes - Now that we're all depressed and full of unnecessary pity...]

[HopelessCynic - A revenge story. I like where this is headed.]

[SniperJunkie - Not exactly. It was his house. Mom was a bounty hunter, and this guy had a pretty penny on his head. The sitter called in sick that night, so she stuffed me in his closet. Workplace hazard, I guess. Anyway, his value just went up a few bucks, and I'm wanting to cash in.]

[Meat&Potatoes - That figures...]

[SniperJunkie - Actually, I forgot to mention the price is for him dead. So I just used the Banjometer™ and located something a few parsecs from here. Entered the nuclear launch codes. Should be payday any minute.]

[HopelessCynic - So, it's over? Just like that?]

[Meat&Potatoes - Who gave you the launch codes??]

[@Random - You mean that wasn't the Wifi password?]

[ModMan - Actually, it's not so simple. I've isolated an error in your algorithm, Sniper... It seems you just nuked a bagpipe manufacturing facility.]

[All other *Junkies look at SniperJunkie]

[SniperJunkie - Well, no one likes bagpipes anyway, so I'll call it a wash.]

TO BE CONTINUED...