Topic: Social Experiment + Name change soon...

[Alieo]

Alright, so y'all have known me for a couple of years already. You've seen my ups and downs, we've fought, laughed, and shared music, etc. As a social experiment, I'm about to share something publicly that I've openly with others, but only one person on here via PM. The "social experiment" is me witnessing y'all reaction to what I'm about to reveal here.

You all know of the sexual orientations of "heterosexual," "homosexual," and "bisexual." Well, there's a 4th lesser known one that I fall into. It is called "asexual." Asexuality has nothing to do with "reproduction, as budding, fission, or spore formation, not involving the union of gametes" per the definition of "asexual reproduction," but is, in fact, a sexual orientation. It is the opposite of bisexual, where bisexuality is the attraction to both males and females (no matter your gender, of course). Asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction towards either gender.

It is possible as an asexual to have a libido, or "sex drive" but have an aversion towards sexual intercourse. That's how it is in my case. In my 28-year lifespan, I've had only two sex partners. The last time I've had sex was in February 2008, and I disliked sex each time I did it. In my high school years, I was never on the same page as my friends as far as wanting to get laid and lose my virginity. I have never once in my life fantasized about being "inside a woman" or upon seeing a hot girl what she must "feel like" that way. In relationships, I've been accused of being gay but in denial. I can definitely tell you that is not the case because I don't see guys sexually at all.

The thing of it is, sexual people view sexual intercourse as the epitome of "expression for one's love for one another", and without it, you're not achieving that mutual feeling of "oneness" with your partner. This so-called "expression for one's love for one another" is something a lot of people refer to as "intimacy". Well, I do feel "intimate" when I fall in love with someone or develop a crush on someone during cuddling or other forms of physical closeness, but the sex is never in my mind. Being asexual, yes, I can fall in love with people, and I can only do so with girls, so this makes me a "hetero-romantic asexual". There are some "aromantic" asexuals out there who don't need this type of romantic connection and are just as happy as a clam with a group of friends.

A few other tidbits about asexuality... As an asexual, yes, we can get turned on just like sexual people. I won't get into the details of what makes me tick on here, because that's personal, but I do get my rocks off to stuff, I will admit. Only 1% of the global population is asexual. That's 70 million people. While that may seem like a lot, on a global scale, that's very very miniscule. We are spread so far out across the globe, it's not even funny. There's less than 10 asexuals right here in Houston. Asexuals CAN and DO have sex as a way to compromise with their sexual partners, but it's easier for the women to fake it than the men (obviously! lol!). Personally, I don't want to get into another relationship with a sexual person because it just complicates things. For me, it like being with a junkie and they have to have their drug (sex) all the time. Gets annoying. I've known I was asexual all my life, but didn't find out the terminology until September of 2011 when I did a Google search for "why don't I want to have sex?" and discovered it.

This is getting long, but I just wanted to "come out" to my friends on here and see their reactions on this, and to answer any questions they may have. Also, on another note, I've been using my "asexual" screen name on pretty much EVERY other forum website that I've used, and may adapt it to here soon. It's "Texace146" because, I'm in Texas, and "ace" because, well, an affectionate term asexuals call each other are "aces". Yeah, we're just cool like that! 

[-<WillyP>-]

Well, I have to be honest, my first reaction was, well he just hasn't had good sex... but as I read further, I think that is not the case at all. Or it may be true, but not really the point.

As I understand what your saying, you are attracted to women, you want a relationship with a woman, you like to touch women, ie cuddle, kiss etc, but not intercourse. I find this concept fascinating, it's beyond my comprehension.

[Scyphi]

Hm. Admittedly, that wasn't what I was expecting when I started reading this.

Anyway, logistically, I guess I can't really argue the idea of it. I mean, if there can be bisexuals, why not the opposite? But as I usually do with such matters, I'll probably stick with a neutral stance on this, being not really against, but not really for either, y'know?

[Alieo]

Well, I have to be honest, my first reaction was, well he just hasn't had good sex... but as I read further, I think that is not the case at all. Or it may be true, but not really the point.

Yeah, lol! That's the number one reaction we get from sexuals. Here's a pretty good FAQ about asexuality: http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html#def1

But as I usually do with such matters, I'll probably stick with a neutral stance on this, being not really against, but not really for either, y'know?

Um, I don't really see it as anything to be "for" or "against". It is what it is. But yeah, this is me. Just checking y'all's reactions to test the waters on how, say, co-workers react. Because frankly, I'm sick and tired of lying to them and agreeing that "Sh!ts McGee" has a fine @$$.

[Pumo]

Um, I don't really see it as anything to be "for" or "against". It is what it is...

Totally agree. It's not like it's a social movement or something, it's just a matter of personality, it is or it is not. Nothing be for or against it.

Although I'm a common sexual person, I understand your point of view, why?
Because my mom has a bit of asexuality.

She was never really too interested on having sex, and always considered the intercourse as something pretty secondary on a relationship.

Of course she had intercourse with dad as normal (how would me and my brothers exist then? ), but she has always stated she doesn't likes to take sex as something that much important in life. She thinks it's just a natural thing, part of the human being, that it can be nice sometimes, but not that fascinating nor important, as to base the life on it.

And btw, I think this may like you, it's a nice illustration of sexuality flags, with a touch of humor :

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyjtdqNs5a1qhpwqlo1_500.jpg

I found it on DeviantArt some time ago (it's from the popular artist Humon).
Your flag has black, gray, white and dark purple.

And yeah, actually, the offical heterosexuality flag is a bit flat, but illustrates pretty much the point.

[Alieo]

Haha! That's funny, Pumo. I didn't know heterosexuals had a flag! (I'm surprised I haven't seen these being waved at our local Chic-Fil-As (them being the most vocal company about anti-gays and all. But wait... their cows are black and white... maybe that has something to do with it?)

In the case of your mom, it's hard to say. A lot of older generations with strong moral values regarding sexuality take sex seriously. While some asexuals can and do have sex (and some DO enjoy it), others don't enjoy it at all. There is a branch of asexuality that some may fall under called "demisexuality" in where the person does not want/crave/need/desire sex unless they are in LOVE and in a committed relationship with someone. Then, and only then, do they function just like a sexual being. Personally, I've been in love in the past, and never wanted to have sex with that person. The cuddling, kissing, and making out was good enough for me. That's all I want to do without the expectation of it leading to something else.

But bottom line, I'm still the same person you knew me as. Sometimes I do get confused for someone who is homosexual because I am sometimes a bit more "eccentric" than most straight people. I've had an ex-friend tell me once, "You don't walk like a straight man... you don't walk like a gay dude either." I took it as a compliment. People I'm not "out" to can't quite figure me out; I love a damn good football game, yet I religiously follow a soap opera! 

[Scyphi]

...it's just a matter of personality, it is or it is not. Nothing be for or against it.

A better way to put what I was trying to say.

Speaking of which, apologies to all are in order, I realize now I totally botched what I was trying to convey in that first post. 

[Alieo]

...it's just a matter of personality, it is or it is not. Nothing be for or against it.

Speaking of which, apologies to all are in order, I realize now I totally botched what I was trying to convey in that first post. 

Oh, no, don't worry about it. I thought you may have misinterpreted or something.

[D2Disciple]

To use a reference from my faith, if I may:

The Scriptures are pretty clear that the apostle Paul wasn't at all interested in the slightest companionship with anyone. He was also quite vocal about his desire that others be like him (he even voiced a bit of disdain towards married couples in one of his letters, but admitted that it was hardly reasonable to expect everyone to be as he was). He simply channeled his energy towards other projects. Did he find females sexually appealing? I can't say, but he clearly wasn't interested in having a physically intimate relationship with them. 

So, as far as I'm concerned, more power to ya. I see it as both reasonable and acceptable to desire companionship without sexual relations. I don't understand, like WillyP said, but I certainly have nothing against it.

[Alieo]

Interesting! Thanks for that, D2Junkie. You know what this is like? It's like, forever retaining a certain level of innocence about you that we all had at some point in early childhood.

I swear, this is definitely not a choice. If I could CHOOSE to desire sex, I would. What I wouldn't give to be "normal" because it is very hard being this way (asexual). I don't have the freedom to spot whatever woman I see in public and choose to win her over because there'll always be that huge 99% chance that she's a sexual being and would want sex and want it regularly.

Also, it's like, if you've ever suffered any form of addiction, like, say, nicotine, or worse, you know what it's like to need that drug. For those that are sexual, they HAVE TO have their "sex" drug. Me, I'm not addicted. But then again, that's kind of a bad analogy because that plays into the argument that I haven't experienced the "right p***y" yet. Been there, done it, didn't like it, never craved it before, not "missing out" on anything now. 

[Matthew]

Believe me, being a "sexual" person doesn't make it any easier to win over a woman... Although, if you really cared about her, wouldn't you give it to her anyway? From what I can tell, it's not an unpleasant experience, just not something you particularly enjoy either? But shouldn't it at least be enjoyable to make your significant other happy? Obviously it has to be the right person, but it seems to me like it doesn't necessarily rule out a successful relationship.

For myself, I'm not overly concerned about sex. I just want a good relationship, and I figure sex will come eventually. One hill at a time, if you will. I have no interest in "just having sex", I want to establish a relationship with somebody I care for first. And so far, fate has intervened every time. So I guess I'll get to it when I get to it.

[Alieo]

Although, if you really cared about her, wouldn't you give it to her anyway? From what I can tell, it's not an unpleasant experience, just not something you particularly enjoy either? But shouldn't it at least be enjoyable to make your significant other happy? Obviously it has to be the right person, but it seems to me like it doesn't necessarily rule out a successful relationship.

Ehh... yeah, I thought I could try that with this "normal" girl I met over the summer. Did not go well at all. The thing of it is, asexual women have it easier because they can easily fake it while us guys have to... *ahem* ...you know... we just can't... fake that. YOU may enjoy it, but of the times I've done it, it just... things run through my mind like, what if she has diseases, or what if I accidentally get her pregnant (I do NOT EVER want kids... EVER!!), and on top of that, I just... I just dislike it! lol! While there are a LOT of asexuals out there who "compromise" when it comes to sex, I would rather just... not bother at all. I'd rather find me a fellow ace, and there are some out there, but I need to get through school first before finding a S/O.

OH!! And let it be known that this is <--!!! NOT !!!--> the result of childhood sexual trauma. I grew up in a loving home with both my parents without any abuse whatsoever. I was taught about the birds and the bees somewhere between ages 8-9 (I think. Somewhere in there.) I am simply just born this way. I remember that when my dad told me about "how it all works" when I was little, it was the result of revealing a crush I had at the time. Then, when he told me how people reproduce, the thought of him doing that with mom made me gag, and then, the thought of me doing that with my crush made me think, "Ohhh, HALE naw!"