Topic: I ask again for your prayers, best of luck, whatever

[VANGUARD]

I've been doing a bit of research on what's been wrong with me. Silly thing, sort of. It's harmless, yet dangerous.
It's quite possible I have a panic disorder.
it started mild, back around my birthday, early May. It happened once at my job. Then, it was okay. I went home, ate food, did whatever, all good.
Back at work, tensed up, got nervous.
Outside of that department, felt great! Went home, ate, did whatever, slept, all good!

Then something happened. It somehow got worse. Harder to talk to people, a lot whom I get along with well. It was getting bad in every area of the building. I started feeling this at home, driving (mostly when the car has been stopped). It is worse at two locations, one being a gas station, one a department store and yet some other places, all okay.
There doesn't seem to be a pattern. I feel good and bad at various places; which are new places, old familiar places, small areas, large areas.

This section of the article is me to a T. I have crossed out what doesn't apply to me (hopefully never).

A panic attack is not dangerous, but it can be terrifying, largely because it feels "crazy" and "out of control." Panic disorder is frightening because of the panic attacks associated with it, and also because it often leads to other complications such as phobias, depression, substance abuse, medical complications, even suicide. Its effects can range from mild word (?) or social impairment (i don't think so), to a total inability to face the outside world.

In fact, the phobias that people with panic disorder develop do not come from fears of actual objects or events, but rather from fear of having another attack. In these cases, people will avoid certain objects or situations because they fear that these things will trigger another attack.

I'm getting geared up for panic attacks at some places, but not others.

Plus side. outside feels nice. and going for walks and bike rides, such wonderful peaceful moments. I need outside. If I fear that, that's the end of me.

I was a department store today, one of the horrible places where I got a panic attack. I thought I was going to throw up or pass out. I tried my best to get into the bathroom. Calmed down, got out, and it got a little worse, but managed to go through the checkout, cashier was a nice looking girl, and I seemed okay.
Got worse in the car, more so when I had to stop.
Got to the park and felt 100% better, and now home, and feeling great.

Please pray, wish me luck, whatever. I can't see doctors. I don't think that's the answer. It's in my mind. I need help in getting it out of my mind. Caffeine I think is part of it. I have done better without caffeine, and had a bit too much today. may explain a few things.
Peace helps. walks, bike rides, water.

I believe I can fight this, but still need prayers.

thank you again guys. Going on 1 1/2 months of this is starting to get on my nerves, and getting me scared, the opposite of solving this. 

[-<WillyP>-]

Well, that's a tough one, Van, it's not like you can just go through life avoiding those places. When I first started driving I was very nervous when driving over bridges. But I convinced myself that my fears were a challenge I had to master, and now I enjoy the terrifying anticipation of driving over bridges and if I get nervous, I'll just tell myself that, damn it's a long way down if I went off the edge. That's may seem counter intuitive, but it works.

There's a guy on TV right now walking across a wire stretched across Niagara Falls.

[VANGUARD]

sometimes it worked, that challenge. Today it failed so badly. I was soooo nervous at that store, leaving my cart behind, feeling more and more nervous, and shaky, and my neck tensed up, throat felt dry as can be.
I am suprirsed I managed to get back to the cart and actually make the purchase.

some attempts at staring this fear in the eyes, and confronting it, it worked great. other times, total back fire.

[-<WillyP>-]

But you did it you succeeded, you mastered your fear, and got the job done! Congratulations on your victory! You are very brave to face your fears, many people run and hide from them, drown them in alcohol, or whatever.

Just like Nik Wallenda, who just crossed over Niagara Falls on a high wire. Fear is normal.

[-<WillyP>-]

I am wondering, I may be off base here, but just theorizing... Back in the day people, especially men, had danger in there lives constantly, hunting for food and just living. Today we live lives where there aren't really any dangers unless we choose to do dangerous things. Myself, it's motorcycles.

With the lack of danger, we don't have experience with danger. Maybe we need danger to get the adrenaline flowing to teach our subconscious what danger really is. And that is what builds confidence. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting you go do something risky at random. But things done under controlled circumstance that you would consider dangerous, like motorcycles, or rock climbing, or skydiving.

[Kaiaatzl]

But you did it you succeeded, you mastered your fear, and got the job done! Congratulations on your victory! You are very brave to face your fears, many people run and hide from them, drown them in alcohol, or whatever.

x2.  I used to have panic attacks constantly and I discovered the best way to deal with them was to go at my own pace, but still get whatever it was done.  Watching or listening to comedies really helps too, for me.

[Alieo]

Hey, Van. I'll keep you in my prayers. Sorry you have to go through that. I had something similar to that happen...

I had always wanted to learn how to fly a plane. It didn't scare me one bit. So I went to the local municipal airport near me and paid $99 to go on a "Discovery Flight." This is required before flight lessons to see how well you fare in the air. I've flown in commercial planes before so it wasn't a fearful thing for me to do. Well, the day I went, June 24, 2011, I was kind of sleep deprived, tired, and not quite myself. When I'm like that, I get nervous easily and react slowly to things resulting in panic attacks.

Well, this pilot and I took off, and at first it was cool, but I had a bad feeling. It was a small Cessna 172 plane, so there was just two seats. If thought of as an automobile, I was sitting in the driver's seat and the pilot in the passenger seat, but we both had steering wheels. I got to fly the aircraft for most of the flight, but the vertigo and the turbulence spooked me immensely. That smaller plane was much more susceptible to vertigo caused by turbulence, so there was several instances that felt like we were just falling. At one point, we flew over my neighborhood and he asked me if I could see my house, I said, "yup!" but it was a lie. I didn't care. I just wanted to get DOWN! I was starting to panic, being way up there. Plus it was hot, and those planes aren't air conditioned. Then I started feeling nauseous.

We landed safely after only a 30 minute flight, per my request. I had experienced enough. I knew I never wanted to fly again! However, I had no idea what other trauma this had caused me. About a week later, I drove on one of those high freeway interchanges, and it was REALLY high... I panicked! I used to handle those like nothing, like I was just on the road going up a hill. It didn't bother me one bit, and it used to be the highlight of some short in-town road trips being up high at night seeing the city lights. Now, it scares me to death and I avoid them at all costs! Ever since that flight!

Now, back when I was 16, in 2001, I went on this roller coaster called The Serial Thriller. I had the same amount of energy as the day I went on the plane ride. I was with some girls so I didn't want to wuss out but the idea of getting on this ride scared me to death, so I went, but I kept my eyes closed the whole ride. It went way up high, dropped, down, spiraled, all while exchanging from upside down and rightside up, but my eyes were closed so it felt like I was put in a box and shaken up by a giant! I screamed bloody murder and panicked and made a horrible scene of myself. I got off and was still in tears. I didn't care that I looked like a wuss after that. I was a wreck. Never again did I want to go on that ride. Heck, it was the first roller coaster I had ridden since I was 8, and that was a kiddie ride!

That was in 2001. In 2005, I faced that same coaster again with my best friend. I HAD to face my fears. I knew in the back of my mind that I'd survive because, hey, it's a roller coaster. Several people rode the Serial Thriller and survived, so I can too! Heck, I survived it before! This time, I kept my eyes open. Expecting to panic after the first drop, I just relaxed, pretended I was a ball of energy and that I was free, and oh my gosh... that was the FUNNEST ride I had EVER ridden in my life! My friend and I got off and we rode it a second time! Then we attacked ALL the rides at the amusement park! I wasn't afraid anymore!

This fall or winter, I'm going to go back into that Cessna 172 and I'm going to fly in that plane again, and I'm going to get much needed sleep the night before. Though I'm still afraid of them, I need to be able to ride on high freeway interchanges, because there are a LOT of them in town. I think I can do it. I know I can. And I know you can beat this too, Vanguard! Think back to what may have triggered this. Whatever it is, you must face it. Don't let fear run your life. It's easy to say, I know, but phobias and such are subconscious. We have to find ways to subconsciously treat those things. The coaster episode worked, so I imagine flying in a plane again will help too.

[VANGUARD]

thanks guys. you may have mentioned one key word I was thinking of a little earlier. how tired I am. weekends, hmm... may be better, but I tend to get more sleep over the weekend. The horrible weekend, after the 1st of June, no. I had to move a lot into the new place, drive the rental truck back and then drive home, that was around 11 when I got home, HAD to eat. next night, someone is txt;ing me until 1 am, her scared in a hospital.

I went to that store around the first of June, probably 2nd or 3rd of June, 0 problems. Now, when I go there, it almost causes me to think I'll throw up.

One thing going for me, I am determined. I am determined to fight this, because yes, it is only a panic attack. That article is true when it says I am not afraid of the people really, or that someone will come out at me, but rather the location itself, that another attack will come.

I agree, best thing is to fight it. Keep going. Sooner or later, it will go away.
Sad part is, when I thought it was finally going away at work, this horrible incident lasted 2 hours. partially my fault, I wanted to get to that store to get stuff, and successfully did it, even with a panic attack. didn't get one thing there though. It was stressing me out. everyone was going down that aisle. I swear, every 5 seconds, someone was turning that cart down my way, and some were RIGHT where I needed to be. made two or three attempted, then said f it. I am leaving.
well, I am leaving soon, to that place again, and fight it. I have to. I am not going to end up afraid of artificial fear and end up restricted to some places.
I am happy and blessed that its only a few places, and not outside, or driving, or going to work, even though it is a touch of a challenge, I still can fight it. and at times, I can control, snap myself out of it within seconds and then be sitting down, eating and drinking like nothing ever happened. But Friday around 3 pm, that was horrible. thinking at least 10 times, I was going to throw up or drive myself into the ditch.

[VANGUARD]

I went to that department store earlier and did okay. nothing horrible, but not the best. I'm calling it more of a success because I didn't panic all too bad.

Battle isn't over yet.

[Bettina]

Prayer, thoughts, whatever, isn't going to help you one bit. See your doctor, who CAN help you.

Bee

[Alieo]

I don't think doctors are the answer to everything. I think doctors (most anyway) are just a pack of vultures perched up high preying on the sheeple below who bah for help.

[Kaiaatzl]

Maybe in countries with crappy health-care systems like yours .
The way the health care system here works, if a doctor doesn't actually leave to go work in another country (any other country but probably yours) where they'll get paid more, you know they are in it to help you .

[Alieo]

No, no, no... you're dead-on there, Kai! Healthcare in this country absolutely SUCKS, so what do they do? The propose a FEE on people that don't have health insurance. So, if you can't afford healthcare, you definitely can't afford the insurance, but if you can't afford the insurance, we'll tack on a fee to MAKE you have health insurance... all to support big pharma and the healthcare industry!

FREE AT LAST! BOY, NOW I HAVE THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE MY OWN HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANY! BECAUSE IF I DON'T, I'M GOING TO GET FINE BY THE GOVERNMENT. AND IF I DON'T PAY THAT FINE, THEY COULD JAIL ME! HMM... THAT'S A REAL FREE DECISION... PAY THE GOVERNMENT MORE MONEY OR GO TO JAIL!

I wouldn't be surprised if by the time I reach retirement age that I'm living in another country altogether. I don't mean to sound unpatriotic, but come the f**k on... this is NOT the free land anymore. Sure! Sure! Other countries are far worse off, but you know what? This ain't the best either... not anymore! Thank you run-away politics and big government! [/rant]

[VANGUARD]

I ask no one starts any fight here. I needed prayers, advice on what to do, etc.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. There are times a prayer is all one can do. There are times you stay clear of doctors, other times, you may need them.

Being this is some anxiety attack, or adrenaline rush, or whatever it is, I doubt a doctor is the answer. Besides, I don't do the best under medication.

I am getting better. There are still some places where it gets bad, but I see it's improving quite a bit. Being at work was a non-stop issue, feeling tension, maybe feeling light headed. Going to places was a nightmare.
Now, I can go to some places with little to no issues. work has been mostly 100% or close to it.
It is clearing, so I thank you.
I think one of the issues in my case is caffeine. I think it's doing more harm now than good. Being off caffeine, or nearly, has shown quite an improvement.

I thank you all again for helping. If there are other tips, I'd appreciate them.

[Kaiaatzl]

Yep, Alieo, let's take our shouting to the shoutbox.   I have ulterior motives too!

I would agree with Bett though, if you want medication or even just a professional opinion (and from what you have said I think it would be a good idea) it's best to go see a doctor.  And if you're not comfortable with the healthcare system in the States -- I know Alieo isn't the only one -- well, a different healthcare system isn't too far from Minnesota.  Though considering the wait times, going to Mexico might be faster.